Resplendent Beard.


But I'm an atheist!

OK, the Great Blogger Experiment appears to be a failure, which is a little strange, but not unexpected or that disappointing. Just as well, I barely remembered to update it at the same time as the LJ. No more new posts here, sorry. The One True Beard will continue to be updated semi-religiously, of course.

If you're a subscriber, the Blogger feeds will of course be no good for you, but fortunately Livejournal sets these up automatically now, so you can switch your subscriptions over here:

If you're up for it, I mean. Oh well, so it goes.


Emo people are bad people.

Installment 4 of Pointy Dog Theatre. I realize as I look at the old ones that I got a lot less sucky at doing them over the last month. Huh.


Well, that's interesting.

First, I got that entire Elongated Man mini in the mail courtesy of Ann Larimer, and I am in love. LOVE, I tell you. So many vaguely filthy jokes. Ralph vs. Prime Minister Pornstaria! And the Wurstwaffe. <3

Second, an article from Sequential Tart on the joys of the multiverse, or rather the agonies of the single universe. Of course, elsewhere in the issue some guy says that Marvel can revitalize itself by Crisisizing the Ultimate and the regular universe, so it's not like they have a single opinion on the matter. Personally, I think it'd be easier to revitalize yourself by not announcing a huge project's coming out in 2006 before you're really sure it's coming out in 2006. (Hope you guys don't mind waiting for that Dark Tower thing.)

Third, this is what the comics blodecahedron needs. Everybody loves indie music! I posit it is because of the petty sniping. Nobody does petty sniping like hipsters.

Fourth, I went to see Ted Leo and the Pharmacists last night, and it was cool. (Petty sniping: What, do they not make hoodies in the size of anyone here? Buy clothes that fit, indie kids!) The person I was with got me to thinking about comics, which is why I mention this here.

So we were at a Venezuelan restaurant near the show and discussed various things while we waited for our food, and somehow I mentioned that I had written a comic. She seemed quite a bit appalled--if not appalled, then disappointed. She went on to explain that she thought comic fans were obsessively dedicated and widespread, and the reason behind this was the existence of comic shops. She's never set foot in one, so she isn't basing this on scary times with Comic Book Guy; rather, their existence is a signal to her that the market is doing well enough to support entire shops dedicated to something that used to live on drugstore racks in our youth. (They did exist up until perhaps a decade ago; I know I bought the X-Men with the shiny Gambit on the cover at a Rite-Aid.) It makes a rough amount of sense--console video games used to be something you only bought at toystores, and now there are chains of stores dedicated to that very thing at a time when video games are enjoying a peak in the public eye. I wonder if the direct market is an albatross for reasons other than the usual "Comic Book Guy smells bad" ones.

But moving back to her remarks on how dedicated comic book fans are, it got me to thinking about whether having fanboy writers is a good or a bad thing. In Starman, which I finished and mostly liked, it's apparent that Robinson loves Ted Knight (Crimson Fox, of course, not so much) and the legacy of all the Starmen deeply. He wasn't able to convince me to love them like he does, but the story he wrote about them was respectful of them and so quite good even without that emotional investment. It'd seem that having a loving, slightly fanboyish author would be an asset. But then, what about lousy fanboy writers? Oh, let's take Author Brad, haven't bitched about him for a while. Here's somebody who's decided to redeem the comics of his youth by, as I understand it, making use of a gap in some old comics that just ACHED to be filled by Dr. Light's rapecock. He recast these comics in the light of his own profession as a crime writer, which might be good for him personally, so bully for him (though part of me wants to say, "That's what fanfic is for, Author Brad"). What about those of us who didn't care about what happened in between two comics that were published before we were born, but who DID like Sue Dibny from comics published during our lifetimes? The worst insult is that he didn't even get a decent story out of it. So how is that fanboyishness helping?

In closing, if I were to write for DC Comics, my only act of fangirlishness would be to make Beetle and Booster somewhat less painfully inept. This is only so as to ensure that they avoid getting killed or put into comas quite so frequently. Honestly, if they were as dumb as most people wrote them as, they would have been fired or killed years ago. Booster seems the type to choke on a pretzel. Hire me, DC! I have a vagina and a penchant for heroic stories!

Fifth, an article on your favorite anthology and mine. Has anybody ever read Tits and Clits? It sounds interesting. I do take issue with calling that little God-comic girl a "sexy chik," however.

Last, Larry Young calls online critics enablers or something. Go Nixon! In honor of this, I will start calling books I didn't like utter shit even if they had some redeeming qualities. This suits my personality well enough.

Edit: really last, who says women don't like comics? I'd like to know exactly how slow a news day you need for "Porn Star Likes Comics!" to be a headline. Really, I would.


Yonder: a new bitchy webcomic.

The adventures of Cap'n Monocle, now in color!

Ha ha, old ugly lady! The subjugation of my entire gender IS hilarious! Seriously, what?

The rest of the preview is here. I offer it without comment, other than to say it looks like Peej might have to consult Right and Left about the proper course of action.


Plastic Man kicks Superman's ASS.

This week's sublime, and one sublimely silly.

First, the silly one.

This is what comics have been reduced to: Superman and Mr. Mxylwhatever hugging and crying in the rain.

Jeez, honey, I'm no fashion plate myself, and even I know that that dress is doing NOTHING for you. I know it's hard to find clothes when you're tall and beefy, but still...

Then, the comic that was at least 90% pure love.

You little harlots! Tedtre wouldn't complain!

You shouldn't drink any kind of computer-damaging liquids while viewing the next one. Just in case.

The best thing? IT'S A PLOT POINT. Oh, Kyle Baker, if you didn't already have children I would want to be the mother of them.

So lazy.

I don't feel like copying and pasting, so if you were wondering what were to happen if the Tedtre were replaced with another high-profile corpse, you can find it here. I need to stop spending so much time in the car, because this is starting to make me look like a fanfiction writer.


Paper or plas--MRF

So today in my Spam folder I found an e-mail entitled, "Why is Batman Kissing Robin?" and I thought to myself, "Self, that is a very good question, and one that I would much like an answer to." And lo, that place that publishes the crazy Magneto Holocaust lady sent me an advertisement e-mail, proudly announcing this. Which proves that hey, you can make stupid gay jokes about ANYBODY, and that gay geeks can relate to superheroes just like straight geeks can. So...yes?

Also, I've given Transmetropolitan a shot (partway into Year of the Bastard), and I'm not going to read any more. The art's nice, and I like some of the setup, but I'm not buying into the adventures of Imaginary S. Thompson. Hard to really empathsize for a fictional character's search for Truth, what with the Truth being something unspeakable about three-titted frogs or something. I love Hunter S. Thompson as much as the next person, but because he was both real and unique. Spider Jerusalem's neither; he's a pretend Hard Man caked with dogshit, and I don't care for him.

Plus, maybe I'm past the age where I genuinely enjoy people getting kicked in the balls. I must be getting old.

Y'know, maybe I like this "random weirdoes" bit in theory more than practice.

Do you love Floaty Invisible Monocle Guy? Do you love him five issues' worth?

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't they give him an origin? Something about Hawkman killing him and giving him the gift of monocle?


I am in sixth grade and I have guns.

This Christmas, give the gift of "Beard".

Be nice to nerds and they will give you money. I don't see how tricking them qualifies as being nice to them, but hey, Fortune knows more about bidness than me. (American Newtype costs $13? Holy shit! We used to import the damn thing for less than half that.)